


Luck Be A Lost Arm

by Chancy_Lurking



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sorry for this, Marriage Proposal, Permanent Injury, War, fem!Fai, slight mention of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-17 23:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chancy_Lurking/pseuds/Chancy_Lurking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fay had to check herself at night. She knew Kurogane knew she was upset, knew he could feel it, and she fought her hardest to honestly feel better. But the times where she couldn’t hold back the tears and he literally had to work to make it to her side of the bed, to comfort her made her feel pathetic and guilty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Luck Be A Lost Arm

**Author's Note:**

> I really don’t like when Fai’s name is spelled with a “y” but I’m using it this time so I know I’m dealing with the girl version. Fem!Fai = Fay  
> Prompt: Anything with fem!Fai  
> Rating: For language  
> My Explanation: …I didn’t mean for this to happen. TnT  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own TRC or any characters.

_During the day, she was always busy; she helped her patients and danced when she could and kissed when she shouldn’t and tried to find the smallest reasons to make him (and herself) smile. But Fay had to check herself at night. She knew Kurogane knew she was upset, knew he could feel it, and she fought her hardest to honestly feel better. But the times where she couldn’t hold back the tears and he literally had to work to make it to her side of the bed, to comfort her made her feel pathetic and guilty._

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“Don’t shit where you eat.”

That was the basic rule _they_ told you before you enlisted. You could be screwing a diplomat’s 18 year old by an hour _son_ and they wouldn’t give half a shit, but if you even looked at someone on the job a little too long they claimed you had a “conflict of interest”. It was then that you were given the option to break it off yourself or get shipped off to Zero-degrees-at-noon, Nobody-wants-to-lives-here-Ville.

That was the only reason, the _only_ reason Kurogane wouldn’t tell his squadron – during the many nights where they all stayed up, collectively pining to be hot because of their lovers and not because it just _stays_ hot here – that the girl he was so in love with… was none other than Fay Diana Flourite, Field M.D.

Fay spent most of her time, when there weren’t any patients to attend to, “playing with” (see: harassing) Commander Kurogane. She followed him about the barracks, smiling brightly as he yelled at her for calling him “Commander Cranky-Shorts” or starting to tell his team about that night in college that they (meaning Kurogane) had agreed they would _never_ speak of again or for doing just about anything involving the two of them. Even though most people knew it wasn’t malice that made them fight, (Fay was a bit too clingy and Kurogane a lot less violent than he could have been) no one really ever suspected that it was anything more than begrudging fondness.

It never crossed anyone’s mind that their Commander had bought the crystal hanging around Fay’s neck; that it was a post coital, pre deployment promise– _Kurogane held the necklace dangling between them, his face flushed but set, “The moment this war is over… I’m going to ask you right.”_ – that had the doctor crying thanks into his shoulder for almost an hour.

He wished he had told them _something_.

Maybe he could’ve told them how he never thought he’d lose his heart to a woman like her; woman who was so unlike him…

He could have told them how he was a bit awed whenever he held her; the stark contrast of her pale skin against his, her blonde hair curled in his fist…

Or maybe about how even when he frowns at her, she doesn’t take it offensively, just giving him a bright smile.

Or how looking in her eyes when all joking is set aside makes his heart pound.

He hadn’t told them because he thought they’d figure it out… He didn’t think they’d tell, but he didn’t even want to put them in that position.

He regretted it.

Maybe if he had told them those things, they would’ve been able to figure out that his gasped “ _Fay_ ” wasn’t just calling for a doctor…

He was laying flat on his back, the noises from the chaotic world around him murky and disorienting. He tried to sit up but felt a searing pain shoot through him, effectively forcing his breath from his body and making black dots cloud his vision.

He blinked rapidly, refusing to let panic sink in as he tried to remember what was going on.

They’d been about to raid a terrorist cell… Shit, it must have been a trap. He opened his mouth, trying to focus enough to get out the orders to sound off but much to his alarm nothing came out but blood. He coughed violently to clear it away, “Sound-…” He started to rasp, but his breath wouldn’t let him finish.

He doubted anyone would hear him anyway; over the sound of creaking rubble and too many people shouting too many orders, somebody near him was screaming…

There were no words in the scream; it was just a scream of agony. Even so Kurogane recognized the voice and it made his heart beat even faster than it already was, “K-kid!”

The Kid he was talking about was Private Syaoran Li; the newest (and probably the brightest) member of his squad. A young man whose sole, honest to goodness purpose in joining the military was to make the world a better place for his wife, Sakura (a healer priestess of whom Fay was extremely fond), and the child she was carrying.

When he’d first joined Kurogane for training, he hadn’t thought too much of him. He spent far too much of his time with his nose in a book and was way to soft hearted, but over the months (it’d been over a year now, huh?) he’d truly grown to see him as… a younger brother, perhaps. “The Kid.”

Kurogane didn’t play favorites, but if he had to choose… well, you get the idea.

“Kid-…” He’d exhausted himself before but still tried to angle his neck to see. Syaoran was lurching around the area behind him, clawing at his eyes and shrieking. Kurogane could see his skin was inflamed and there was blood streaking down his face.

Moments later half the squad was on him, prying his hands away to douse his face with water.

“ _Oh my God_ …”

He turned back at the words to see another member of his squad staring down at him, horror evident on his face. Kurogane glared at him, trying to convey what his lungs wouldn’t let him: _Well, don’t just fucking stand there..._

“Radio in for assistance.” Private Doumeki shoved the device into the younger man’s stunned arms before stripping off his shirt, “I apologize, Commander.” He muttered, before leaning all his weight on his left shoulder.

Kurogane howled in pain, vision blurring as he tried to buck Doumeki off, but soon enough other hands are holding him down, “Commander, we have to stop the bleeding! Help is on the way!”

_Help is…? Fay._

Fay was coming. He had to stay awake for her. She already worried about him enough, if he passed out he might not…

_“I don’t date soldiers…” Fay breathed, gripping the hands that had reached to touch her neck._

_“Then you probably shouldn’t have fallen for one, Mage.” Kurogane replied, watching her evenly._

_“I guess not…” She watched him for a moment, “But I could make an exception.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Promise me…” She let his hands go, “That you’ll always come back.”_

_His rested his fingers lightly on the sides of her neck, “Will you let me love you if I do?”_

_“Will you mean it if you do?”_

_“I promise you.” He rumbles lowly, “That I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” He kisses her briefly, “I promise I’d crawl across the country to get back to you if I had to.” She pushes into his arms and he lets her, “One day I’ll die… but until then, I’ll always find a way to get back to you…”_

He didn’t break his promises.

Even as he was beginning to lose feeling, as his breath got shallow, he tried to sit up. He had to get to her. She’d been through too much… He would not be another name on the list of people who’ve betrayed her.

 “Fa…” He gasps, vision going dark, pain clouding his mind. He tried to focus on Fay’s name. On her; everything that made him want to stay alive, that gave him strength to fight. He needed to fight now more than ever. She was coming for him. Just a little while longer, he could make it for her.

 “ _Fay!_ ” It felt like a shout, but it was hardly above a whisper.

“Don’t worry, she’s coming. The medics are almost-Commander? C’mon, Commander Kurogane, stay with us!”

Kurogane wanted to. He really did, he fought so hard... but in reality, the beating of the helicopter blades that singled help was here, was the sound that led him into the darkness.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kurogane never liked waking up not knowing where he was. It was even worse not knowing how he got there. In his college days, he and Fay often got him into some… non-kosher situations, but they hadn’t done anything like that in years. Not since he joined the service, for sure. But now his whole body was aching and his head was pounding…

No sooner had that thought crossed his mind did he realize the ringing in his ears… was actually whistling.

“Fay,” He breathed, hazily trying to find the source of the tune.

It stopped abruptly and he startled slightly when he felt the mat he was laying on shift slightly. Soft hands wrapped around his right hand and he instantly recognized them as Fay’s. He felt himself relax a bit, though still in pain and… and something was oddly out of place, but she cut him off before he could speak again.

 “I remember when I first saw you…” Fay started, holding his hand in her lap as she stared out the side door, “Freshmen orientation at Bringoggle U. You were sitting there all silent and brooding.” She pulled his hand into her lips, gently stroking with her thumb, “At first I thought you were a little scary, to be honesty. But then your cousin... Then Tomoyo showed up and I saw all the softness in your eyes you reserved for people you truly care about.” She laughed softly, but it turned Kurogane’s stomach at how broken it sounded, “I wondered if I could make _anyone_ look at me like that…”

“I remember,” She continued, and by then Kurogane’s eyes had cleared enough that she was no longer just an outline in the sunlight, but her face is still hidden behind her hair. “How you thought I was a complete nut case for running up and saying we’d be best friends… I thought it’d be fun to mess with you.” Her voice was suddenly soft and crackly, “Never thought I’d actually fall in love with you… Not like this.”

Kurogane watched her, the knot in his stomach growing tighter at the rising feeling of just… _wrongness_ in the room, “…Why are you telling me this?”

His blood ran cold when she finally turned to face him. She was smiling brightly, but there was a tremor in her lip and tears streaming down her face, “I just wanted to thank you for keeping your promise.” Her voice creaked a bit, and she sniffs, clutching his hand to her chest, “It doesn’t matter what happens, I’ll always be here and we can-…”

“Fay, _why are you telling me this?_ ” He cut in, panic rising like a dark cloud on the horizon of his mind.

“Because I know you love fighting. You were a great commander, a great leader. And the boys love you, too, yeah? And I know they’ll miss you, but all isn’t lost, eh?”

Kurogane just stared at her, “Fay, I’m still alive, after I recover they’ll still use me, I-…”

“They won’t be calling you back, Kuro-sama.” She said quietly, though it sounded like a whine.

Then suddenly it struck him exactly what was wrong, “Why can’t I…?” His gaze locked on her, eyes going wide with fear, “Fay, I can’t feel my-…” He tried to pull his hand away from her, to pull back the blanket that was tucked almost around his neck, but she clung to him.

“Kurogane, please just-…”

“Fay, I can’t feel _my arm!_ Why can’t I feel my-?” He finally jerked his hand away, ripping the cover off in one fluid motion.

There was a moment of numb rejection when he looked down at the space where is arm used to be, only to find a bloody bandage on his shoulder. He simply couldn’t comprehend it. This was left arm, his _dominant_ arm. It had to still be there, this couldn’t be…

He couldn’t accept it until he heard Fay quietly sobbing next to him.

She covered her mouth when he looked up at her trying to hold back her cries; the look on his face was that of a small child waiting for someone to tell him the nightmare was over and it broke her down even further.

He felt the break in his voice before he even spoke, “My _arm_ …”

She buried her face in his good shoulder, sobbing loudly and unabashedly for all the tears he wouldn’t shed for himself, “I swear to Kami,” She wrapped her arms around his neck, “I swear to _Kami_ , Kurogane, I will try to fix this!” She choked out before she dissolved back into tears.

Kurogane can’t find any words, the reality of what’s happened sending them careening into oblivion. He didn’t know what to say.

For once in his life, he wasn’t sure what he’s going to do.

He felt the frustrated little tear rolling down his cheek, mockingly on the side he couldn’t get to. He didn’t bother fighting to reach it with his right hand, instead he just pulled Fay closer, pushing his face into her shoulder. He wants to sooth her, to soothe himself…

But for now all he as to offer is his embrace…

A fucking one armed hug.


End file.
